Just over five years ago, I was in Tel Aviv when a suicide bomber struck at the city?s old central bus station.
In the attack, about fifteen people were injured; a few months later, during the festival of Passover, 11 people were killed and some 60 wounded when another terrorist struck a schwarma restaurant crowded with people having lunch.
I was on my gap year then, when the intifada was winding down but bombs and blasts were still happening with a terrifying frequency.
What I remember most clearly is not looking at the gruesome photos of bloodied victims, or shuddering at the thought of those affected, but of almost immediately boarding another, similar, Tel Aviv bus.
You feel apprehensive, of course, but you think ?it won?t happen to me?, and you take your seat.
Bus rides, streetside cafes, beachfront bars like Mike?s Place (hit by a bomber in 2003, three dead, 50 injured); those are all a part of life in Israel, as around the world.
Today the area around the central bus station in Jerusalem will be cordoned off, but tomorrow? The people who managed to escape a dreadful fate on the 74 bus? They?ll have to catch it tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.
When terror becomes your reality, life has to go on. And it will in Jerusalem and across Israel, as it did throughout the last intifada.
But it shouldn?t have to, and we must hope and pray that this latest attack ? a bomb of a scale not seen in the city since the early days of the security fence ? will not be the start of another period when boarding a bus can mean endangering your life.
'In the early years I tried leaving many times, but my husband would threaten to kill me and I was demoralised enough to believe him'
When my husband John died from double pneumonia at the age of 54, I was relieved. It felt like a paving slab had been lifted from my head. We'd been married for 30 years, and for the last 10 of those, I hadn't been outside our five-bedroom house in Northampton.
I left school at 15, which most people did in those days, and got a job as a waitress, which I loved. The cafe was next door to a cinema where John worked as a projectionist. I knew from the moment we met he was terribly insecure. He had ginger hair, walked with a limp and had been badly bullied as a child. But I hoped my love would change him. We got married when I was 19, and a year later I gave birth to our first baby. By 28, I was a mother of six.
John was always a heavy drinker, but once we were married, he became violent and controlling. Whenever we went out, he would insist on holding my hand. If I so much as glanced at another man, he would beat me when we got home. We were barred from our doctor's surgery when John punched my GP for asking me to reach down and touch my toes.
In the early years I tried leaving many times, but he would threaten to kill me and I was demoralised enough to believe him. Gradually, it just seemed easier to go out less.
Then one day, as I was walking back from dropping the kids at school, a man tried to attack me. I was crying and shaking when I got home, but John refused to call the police. He thought it was my fault for giving the stranger the eye. I started to experience panic attacks. Some days I'd only be able to take the children half way to school, then it was a quarter of the way. Before long, just putting my hand on the front door knob would set me off. I began to rely on the elder kids to do the school run and my oldest daughter took over the weekly shop.
In some ways, my life as "her indoors" was easier. I no longer had to suffer John's temper if a man cast his eye over me. He wasn't bothered about me staying in and would take my eldest son to the pub for company instead. My days were filled with doing the housework and preparing meals for the kids, who didn't question why I no longer left the house ? they were scared of John, too. Television became my way of keeping in touch with the world, running up and down the stairs was all the exercise I needed. My family had long stopped visiting because of John's behaviour towards them, so I spoke to them by phone.
I was very unhappy. There was a bus stop just outside our house and every day I'd sit in the living room and watch people boarding and alighting, wishing I could do the same. Many times I considered suicide, but the thought of the kids stopped me.
Then John died and a lot of the fear I had been harbouring went with him. A few days after his death, I decided to go to the local shop. I drank a couple of glasses of sherry to calm my nerves and stepped out of the door for the first time in a decade. There was an old bike in the shed and I took that with me ? having something to hold on to made me feel reassured. I dashed in and out of there as fast as I could, not speaking or making eye contact with anyone, but when I got home, I felt elated.
Gradually, I was able to go out without the bike or a drink inside me and I relearned the art of making conversation with strangers. But the years of abuse still affected me, so I started group bereavement counselling. On that first session, I sat trembling until a friendly looking man came over to ask my name.
Bernie was on his own after losing his wife a year before John had died. I instinctively knew that I could trust him. He was shocked when I told him about my decade indoors and was determined to help me make up for lost time.
We have now been married for 16 years and had holidays in Austria, Germany and Cyprus, where we renewed our wedding vows. When people meet me, they struggle to believe I spent 10 years indoors. I have only to think of my first husband to remember how that happened. Sometimes I hover at the threshold of our house and recall how I wasn't able to cross it. The one small step I take from there is all I need to appreciate everything I now have.
Last week, Natalie Portman was my heroine. Not because she won the Oscar (although Mazel Tov Nats, sure the family is schlepping nachas) or because she looked radiant in that dress despite one helluva baby bump, but because she did what every public figure could do and so often doesn't.
She used her - not inconsiderable - star power for good, telling a Galliano-plagued Dior "It's me or him, mate." Or some such.
Within hours, Galliano was a goner. The fashion house might have fired him anyway - that Hitler video was a little unpalatable even for the most dedicated couture-lovers - but it's hard to argue that Natalie helped him along.
It's rare for celebrities to overtly declare themselves Jewish (we do it for them) but even less common for them to bring their religion into a public political debate. All things considered, Natalie did good.
Which brings me to my new heroine ? this model at the Galliano ?presentation? for Paris Fashion Week (note, not a catwalk show ? the press officer was very clear there was a real difference).
No idea who she is or if she has any Jewish connection at all, but kudos to her for her Star of David tattoo as she modelled the creation of a man set to go on trial for his antisemitic slurs.
Whether intentional or not, it?s a small gesture of defiance.
And after a week where the Jewish people were the punching bag for all the assorted crazies out there, it?s nice to see a Jewish symbol out there representing something positive.
Because ultimately, all the Gallianos in the world can?t take that away from us.
In the NFL Draft, the Browns build a potentially nasty defense, select a potential No. 1 receiver, and downplay the draftees' character issues.
BEREA, Ohio -- Winning the press conference after making their draft picks wasn't a big priority with the Browns' new front office.
They say winning the fights isn't either.
Flashy draft picks were a Browns tradition dating to Art Modell, who knew that skill position players taken high goosed the fan base like nothing else. There is not a lot of sizzle in trading down from No. 6 overall for four draft picks -- Atlanta's second- and fourth-rounders this year and the Falcons' first and fourth next year. Atlanta, clearly, thinks it is a player away from big things, and that that player is game-breaking wide receiver Julio Jones of Alabama.
The Browns know they need far more than that. Then again, admitting you have problems is the start of solving them.
Jones would have been the playmaker the Browns have needed at least since Braylon Edwards threw the punch at LeBron James' pal, Mini-Bron or whoever he was, and was shipped out to the Jets. Actually, long before then Edwards was not exactly bringing home the bacon when it came to securing the old pigskin.
But in the Big Picture, Atlanta made the Browns an offer they couldn't refuse.
In the smaller picture, Braylon, had he stayed, would have found sparring partners a-plenty. For the Browns have begun to construct what they hope will be a rock 'em, sock 'em defense.
Thursday, using their newly acquired picks, they traded up to select defensive tackle Phil Taylor from Baylor at No. 21 in the first round. Taylor brings baggage -- weight issues, a foot problem, early exit from Penn State because of involvement in an on-campus fight.
I saw Taylor play only once. I had to look hard. He was not very noticeable. Illinois, in its last four games the loser of three (Michigan, Fresno State, Minnesota, the last -- deep blush -- at home) beat Baylor in the Bears' first bowl game in 16 years, the Texas Bowl in Houston.
"I'm a good run stopper but I'm a good pass rusher as well. I can get to the quarterback," said Taylor, who added, "A lot of things didn't go our way in the bowl game."
A large measure of what didn't go so well was run defense against the Illini. Mikel Leshoure ran for 184 of Illinois' 229 yards in a 38-14 rout.
There is always the chance they will go more properly in Taylor's path to the quarterback. "I know how much Cleveland fans hate Pittsburgh," Taylor said, when asked about Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. "When I am going to play against him, he is going to go down."
The analysts say the second round is when the draft really begins. Teams are expected to get good players in the first round. Well, not in Cleveland, not in the past, but generally. The very good teams get good players the second and third days.
In the second round Friday, the Browns took Pittsburgh defensive end Jabaal Sheard. Taylor and Sheard, along with incumbent Ahtyba Rubin, provide the makings of a potentially nasty defensive line.
"I'm always thinking about getting to the quarterback; I want to make the crowd go 'Oooooh,'" said Sheard, who said he wanted to be like Steeler supercollider James Harrison from Kent State.
Sheard was suspended, then reinstated, before his senior season at Pitt for a fight in an art gallery. Sheard was not incensed by a rude comment about expressionism, but said he was defending a teammate. The scuffle ended in a Saturday night in Dodge City scene, with the combatants falling through a glass window.
News reports said Sheard threw the other guy through the window. Which is what Harrison would have done.
"We've done our due diligence with these guys with their character," said coach Pat Shurmur. "We think they will fit in well."
A huge fuss shouldn't be made of such incidents, as long as they are isolated. These are young guys who are lightning rods for attention and, in the wrong setting, trouble. Everyone deserves a second chance. Still, there will be plenty of chances in the future to see if the aggression is channeled properly or not.
With their other pick in the second round, the Browns took wide receiver Greg Little, one of Butch Davis' players suspended for the season at North Carolina. A No. 1 receiver in the offing, Little, 6-3, 219, took improper benefits from an agent, including diamond earrings and travel accommodations in the Bahamas.
Browns fans, in lieu of the playoffs, think of the draft as a trip to Fantasy Island. For Little, Paradise Island was close enough.
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Tribe's No. 1 draft pick in 2010 allows his first runs of the season, but Indians pound out 17 hits in victory.
Advanced A Kinston Indians
Indians 7, Blue Rocks 3: 2B Justin Toole (.435) went 4-for-5 with four RBI as Kinston won a Carolina League game in Wilmington, N.C. K-Tribe LH Drew Pomeranz (1.80 ERA) allowed his first earned runs of the season, giving up three in four innings. The Blue Rocks got three hits and three walks against him. Pomeranz struck out five.
Notes: 3B Adam Abraham (.314) doubled and singled for two of Kinston's 17 hits. ... Pomeranz has struck out 22 batters in his first 15 innings. He had hurled 11 scoreless innings in his first two starts, giving up just three hits, two walks and one unearned run.
AAA Columbus Clippers
Bats 4, Clippers 2: Columbus managed just one extra-base hit in losing an International League game Tuesday in Louisville, Ky. Clippers LH Scott Barnes (5.40 ERA) allowed four runs -- three earned -- on four hits and five walks in five innings. He struck out three. Columbus 2B Cord Phelps (.311) walked twice and doubled.
AA Akron Aeros
Aeros 3, Baysox 0: RH Brett Brach (1-0, 0.00 ERA) allowed two hits and one walk in six scoreless innings, and he combined with two pitchers on a three-hitter as Akron won an Eastern League game in Bowie, Md. Brach struck out four. Aeros RH Bryan Price gave up one hit in two innings, and RH Matthew Langwell earned his first save after walking one in the ninth. SS Juan Diaz (.200) hit a two-run homer, RF John Drennen (.324) also homered and 3B Matt Lawson (.292) had three hits for the Aeros.
Notes: This was Brach's first appearance for Akron. With Kinston, he went 0-1 with a 1.80 ERA in five innings over two appearances.
A Lake County Captains
Captains vs. Lugnuts, ppd.: Lake County's game against Lansing (Mich.) was postponed due to inclement weather. The game will be made up as part of a doubleheader Wednesday, with the first game starting at 5 p.m.
Among the endless predictions of how we function in the 21st century is the all-too frequent potential death of newspapers. Of course, I am partial on the newspaper issue but I wonder if thought is being given to the actual tactile, physical product, as much as the content.
In my family, newspapers were crucial. Not just as vital information portals - though I am absolutely sure we never referred to them as such - but as items with an acute after-life. Newspapers, for the uninitiated, can be used for all manner of things once they've been read. And nowhere were newspapers more important than at Pesach.
We used newspapers to wrap our Pesach pans, utensils, and china, before storing everything away at the end of the festival. And every year, without fail, when we came to unwrap the Pesach houseware, my mother would get distracted and get caught up in reading something from the previous year's Daily Telegraph, while my father would make wild stabs at whether that strangely-wrapped item swathed in several layers of the Guardian was in fact the lid for the flowered teapot, or something else entirely.
There were items, such as the big frying pans, which demanded a grand broadsheet wrapping, while the crystal water jug for Seder night saltwater was usually fine with a swirl of tabloid. There were items which were just plain unwrappable, and there were other things which assumed a heavy disguise through the layers of newsprint. Careful calculations were made as to how many soup plates you could wrap into one spread of the old Sunday Express (oh, the shame), and, oddly, we never wrapped anything in the JC. The Manchester Evening News, as I recall, was particularly good for glasses and cutlery.
Those days of wrapping and unwrapping, with happy cries at discovering one's favourite butter dish, may be long gone. My parents have departed for that great reading room in heaven where I hope they have access to all the newspapers they desire. People celebrate Pesach differently now; either they have the luxurious option of travelling abroad, or - judging by the vast displays outside the kosher shops near where I live - those who observe the festival buy in huge supplies of disposable plates and cooking utensils, as though Pesach were one long eight-day barbecue.
And now that the death knell is increasingly being sounded for newspapers, what will people wrap their Pesach goods in? Ipads?
