FANCY a nice stroll along Swansea's riverside promenade? Careful! For as anyone who frequents this area will know to their cost, it's best to tread just a little carefully if you do.
How do I know? Well, getting out of my car in East Burrows Road this week I stepped straight into some doggy doo!
Councils all over Britain are fighting a losing battle against this menace. Swansea is too.
While most dog owners are responsible, a hard core still think it is their divine right to treat the streets as an alfresco doggy toilet.
There's a world of difference between letting your dog take a discreet poop in the bushes and watching it defecate in a children's playground or a public footpath.
But I was probably not the only one left amazed by this week's new report showing that just six culprits have been nabbed by the authorities in Swansea in the past year or so.
Six? You have got to be kidding. I counted at least double that number of deposits in an area stretching no more than 25 metres on the green embankment running past Sainsbury's towards the marina one morning this week.
Nearby, on land around the breakwater, the story was very much the same.
Unfortunately, the authorities are not allowed to round up selfish owners and rub their noses in it, like a naughty puppy. So they resort to ever more ingenious deterrents, none of which seem to be working.
The offender tally is perhaps all the more surprising given the rate at which traffic wardens are going about their business these days, raking in more than �1.4 million in parking fines in the past couple of years.
The council insists it is illogical to link the issues. It may well be right. But the difference between the two couldn't really be more marked
Unless offending owners and their dogs are caught in the act, they can hardly be named and shamed. But from the evidence of our own eyes, the scale of the problem is one that six paltry fines of �75 is not going to stop in its tracks.
I sympathise with those whose burden in life is to keep our streets clean. It's an uphill struggle against not just inconsiderate dog owners but antisocial morons who discard their litter and half-eaten fast food wherever they please.
But sadly, that's a fact of life. Deal with it.
When Paris was faced with an even worse dog mess problem the French simply hired more men to hose the streets more frequently.
Maybe instead of dreaming up new ways of dealing with the issue, our councils would be better employed spending taxpayers' money on a huge vat of Domestos and high-pressure hoses.
Next, my mission takes me to Mumbles. Here too, despite the proliferation of special bins, dog poop is still scattered along the prom.
Truth be told, it is probably nowhere near as bad here as it once was. You do see more dog walkers swinging a plastic bag with something unmentionable inside than not. Even so, tread carefully, is my advice.
Liz Rees, 38, from West Cross, takes care to clean up after her three-year-old Golden Retriever and believes owners have become more responsible.
"However, there are a determined few who just don't seem to care," she added.
"It annoys me as a pet owner as much as anyone else. But what can you do? The grass verges running along the promenade seem to bear the brunt of it, which is a shame."
Swansea Council says comparing the level of parking fines with dog poop penalties doesn't make sense, adding: "Our parking enforcement officers patrol those areas where parking restrictions are in place.
"These designated areas can be patrolled by a relatively small team of officers and the number of fixed penalties issued reflects the level of illegal parking. Dog fouling is a totally different issue.
"In order to carry out the same level of enforcement we would need to employ officers to stand in every street, playground, park, field and beach in Swansea and wait for an owner not to clean up after its dog.
"No council is in a position to take that approach. That is why we focus on encouraging dog owners to clean up after their pets by providing more than 400 regularly used dog mess bins across Swansea as well as poop scoop dispensers on popular dog walking routes.
"We have also issued more than 1,000 warning letters in areas affected by dog mess. Dog owners have to take responsibility and respect their community and neighbours."
Yes, they do, and most adhere to the law. But a precious few just don't seem bothered. Yesterday, wandering through my local park with my wife, I spotted two whippet puppies racing around. Something makes me think I could really enjoy being a dog owner. They are a great excuse to go on long walks and to meet people. I promise I would even clean up after them.
Then one squats down and poops.
My wife gives me a deadpan stare when I suggest we use a plastic bag to clean it up, maybe shaming the owner who is still in the area into thinking twice the next time it happens.
Sometimes, the bleedin' obvious is the only way forward, I tell her. It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it!
Want to report dog fouling? Contact the council on 01792 635600 or complete an online form at http://www.swansea.gov.uk /index.cfm?articleid=24953
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